It’s a well-known fact and a genetic inheritance that predisposes the male of the species to be wary of shopping. And I’m no different.
Everyday supermarket shopping is a chore, and one that can test the patience of anyone. Fridays are the worst. Everyone is there, the pensioners, the mums, and the rest of the world, either doing the weekly shop or stocking up on treats for the weekend.
And of course, when it’s busy, the lines at the checkout are long. So, with just a basket in your hand, you scan up and down the line – to see where the shortest queue is. You make your choice, and then realise the person in front of you has a fistful of coupons. That will slow you down. So, you change queues. Everything seems fine – the queue is moving smoothly and your turn comes to load your groceries onto the conveyor belt, so you do that, and then you look across and see coupon lady flicking through a handful, carefully picking out the right ones. You breathe a sigh of relief, knowing you made the right choice. Then, the bottom falls out of your world when the person in front realises they’ve forgotten to pick up a bag of onions and wanders off to get one, leaving the checkout operator smiling at you apologetically. You pretend everything’s okay, but inside you’re screaming – because the queue with the coupon holder is moving quickly now, while you’re standing still. It’s not worth switching again though – all you can do is wait. The seconds tick by – and they feel like slashed scars on the calendar of your soul . . .
Eventually, you make it through the checkout, and you get in your car and drive away. The nightmare’s over. Until the next time . . .