Droplets of Verse: ‘Jeremy Shoots Blanks’

Jeremy Paxman, synonymous with Mister Clarkson
Loaded questions and a lazy, limited lexicon
Sleaze bags squirm, waiting to be fried by Jezza
Paxman doesn’t juggle, goes straight for the jugular
Trial by typical tabloid, slogan style, questioning
Leaning to one side, eyes penetrating, mouth sneering
An electoral debate hosted in a patronising manner
Jeremy shoots blanks, a man who’ll never find the answers

Droplets of Verse: ‘The Prime Minister Who Refused to Eat Three Shredded Wheat’

Instinctively, he knew they would there on a plate
Enough votes in the box from an admiring electorate
Cameron politely declined the third term in office
Before even contesting the second, didn’t even win the first
Food banks flourished in his all day breakfast of austerity
He refused a third shredded wheat, that would have been greedy


Droplets of verse: ‘Contaminated Mayonaisse’

The lap dancer hovered, swinging her tassles
The birthday boy ogled, drunken and frazzled
He squirted mayonaisse on to sizzling beef
Bit into his burger, enjoying the overcooked meat
She twisted and swayed, a vision so exotic
Hot steam rising all around, melting lipstick
Moisture from her body poured from the stage
Droplets of salty sweat contaminated the mayonaisse

Soundcloud: ‘Snorting White Powder off The Sweetest Ass’

This poem, set to music, is described as ‘all about the recreational activities of cabinet ministers’ and it’s not about a nice game of dominoes accompanied by a mug of hot, sweet tea, it’s much steamier.

I originally wrote it with a specific UK politician in mind but decided to broaden it out so it could be about anyone, and I did that because I believe in equality.

Droplets of Verse: ‘How To Get Stinking Rich With Help From a Tory MP’

He wrote a book guaranteed to make anyone stinking rich
Grant Schapps used a pseudonym, Michael Green
A fictional person who became real, who couldn’t just vanish
The epitome of a Tory Party money making machine
A special talent for making promises, like all elected officials
Schapps continually denied the existence of his dodgy business
His relationship with the truth was not even superficial
Impersonated himself, as someone else, selling digital dirty tricks

Droplets of Verse: ‘The Domestic Habits of Potential Future World Leaders’

The latest news of political significance
Appears to be Ed Miliband’s two kitchens
A cooked up attempt at character assassination
By a Daily Mail journalist. What a revelation
A reporter’s recipe, an overcooked disaster
Burnt toast becomes an issue that matters
Serving up crumbs of analysis for their readers
The domestic habits of potential future world leaders

Droplets of Verse: ‘Pouring the Polonium Tea’

Double crosses in the dirty world of the FSB
Daily undertakings throughout its murky history
Meetings always arranged at public places
Dark glasses covering dark looks on faces

Discreetly blending, ordering a pot of tea for two
Stirring in a secret ingredient, ready for the rendezvous
Refreshments await, a warming brew, but rather deadly
FSB agent picks up the pot, pours out polonium tea

Droplets of Verse: ‘Covered in Tipp-Ex’

Fountain pens, pocket notebooks, expensive stationery accessories
Essential items for everyday, if you’re flush and not counting the pennies
Conservative Party donors collaborate to generate election funds
The battle for votes is likely to be won by the party with the most millions

A consortium makes an acquisition, a Bond Street luxury stationers
Pouring the profit into the pockets of Conservative trousers
Quintessentially British, sneaky manoeuvres, covered in Tipp-Ex
Too substantial to be erased, financial irregularities can’t be corrected

Droplets of Verse: ‘Globalisation is Killing the Gulf Stream’

Container ships carry crates of consumer goods
A global economy swamps continents, a material flood
World markets driven,  distributed by fuel from fossils
An invisible tax on the planet, the cost is colossal
Handshakes may lead to Heaven, but the sky is hotter than Hell
The ice caps are melting, but we’ve still got stock to sell
It’s a super sized helping of American Dream
Globalisation is killing the Gulf Stream